ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he shaved USA in his pubs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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