Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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