yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
4 words: hood of his car
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
