yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
