do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
