all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
