Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
