i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
