If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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