Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I bet he comes in French.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
