She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
