You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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