I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
