dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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