paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
