Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
