Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
