Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
