if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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