There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
