We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I just put wine in my tea
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
