Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize