you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
