she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
