I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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