A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
