Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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