I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
