Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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