Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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