Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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