dude i'm inner monologue high
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
