ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
