I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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