I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
either way he was missing a nipple.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
