If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
