Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they're like a gay fantastic four
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
