It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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