im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
