in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
