it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
