Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
