FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
