I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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