Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
