I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
