He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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