Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
