he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
