i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
