I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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