just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
