I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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