just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
